Trauma Thoughts
I went out recently for my best friend’s birthday and there was a big mixed group of people who I’ve known for years and some who are new to me. All wonderful people. As the night wore on one of my friends, who also lives with PTSD, mentioned to me that someone in our community recently survived a really bad car accident and it had triggered her. She survived a terrible car accident herself years ago.
We talked about how she was managing her symptoms with EMDR therapy and she was working to take care of her self but that this setback had been hard. Her nightmares were back. Her anxiety was back. She had thought those symptoms were behind her.
Triggers
I’ve been in her shoes many times since my diagnosis. It’s hard to move back through PTSD symptoms once you’ve found yourself mostly on the other side of them. For me, I have to really slow down in these moments, build awareness about the trigger and my symptoms, and reach out to my circle for support.
It’s easy to feel sad about it. I always worry it will take over my life again. And then I have to remember how strong I am. I’ve been through it many times before, I’ve learned so much, and I’ll get through it again.
My Hospitalization
On my second morning in the hospital I was trying to feed myself oatmeal. I was shaking horribly from my symptoms, the medications, and being in a new scary place. A man named Manny, who I’ll never forget, sat down across from me and asked my why I was there. I explained I had been diagnosed with PTSD. He had PTSD too. And we began comparing traumas.
I told him about the bombing and he wanted to know all the details — I could barely recall what I’d witnessed without crying and he comforted me. And then he shared his story. His wife and two small children, along with his father-in-law, had been crossing the Rio Grande in Texas. He was on the U.S. banks waiting for them when the coyotes he had hired started demanding more money from him. He had already given them all he had. The coyotes began firing on his family and killed them all right in front of him.
I couldn’t believe Manny had made it through his trauma and could be sitting in front of me, comforting me. We both sat there crying. Suffering the same diagnosis. The same symptoms. And each of us couldn’t imagine surviving each other’s traumas.
What I’ve Learned
I learned that day you can’t compare the bad stuff. You have to focus on how you’ll get through it.
It doesn’t matter what your trauma is — the symptoms are the same. This is one of the reasons why I’ve been able to build a community here around PTSD. If you have it, you know what life is like for everyone else who is living with it. I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone.
Manny left the hospital before me and with little support. No family. Limited resources. He was going to live in a halfway house. I have thought of him a lot over the years. Praying and hoping that he found healing some how.
PTSD Awareness
This month is PTSD Awareness Month.
This month let’s focus on symptom awareness and not the trauma we’ve endured because long story short — we survived!
- Being easily startled or frightened.
- Hypervigilance
- Avoidance
- Using alcohol and drugs to numb symptoms
- Self-destructive behavior such as drinking too much or driving too fast
- Trouble sleeping and nightmares
- Trouble concentrating
- Irritability, angry outbursts, and/or aggressive behavior
- Overwhelming guilt or shame
- Panicking when reminded of trauma and panic attacks
- Intrusive thoughts
- Flashbacks
- Physical symptoms such as pain, sweating, fatigue, nausea, trembling, heart palpitations
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Suicidal ideation
If you or someone you love is experiencing these symptoms following a trauma, please seek help. There is life on the other side of PTSD.
Final Thoughts
I have lived the last ten years managing a mental health challenge and I’m still not an expert of how to heal. I still have bad days that turn into weeks, leaving me needing more therapy, medication, and support.
Living with PTSD or any other mental health challenge requires a great amount of work and support.
It takes energy and awareness to grow into your challenges.
If you find yourself in a hopeless space because of PTSD, know that you aren’t alone and that there are people to help. All you need to do is ask.
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